[jo bennett enters the office, with her two great danes (which surprises and shocks everyone) everyone comes over to greet her]
gabe: this is Michael scott, co-regional manager of this branch.
Michael: pleasure to meet you, ms. bennett.
jo: oh, that’s “mrs. Bennett” sweetheart. my husband and I are divorced, but I kept the “mrs.”… just to piss off the new wife! [everyone chuckles] well, let’s take a gander around the place.
[the camera pans over to andy, where the dogs are all up in his crotch]
andy: [with an awkward laugh] they sure are pretty dogs.
jo: they love a good crotch.
andy: they sure do.
jo: you should take that as a compliment.
andy: oh, I do! [he and erin exchange huge grins while the dogs continue to be in that “area”]
jo: [noticing that Dwight is still seated] hello.
jo: do you always stay seated when a lady enters the room?
Dwight: I am treating you the same as a man, for whom I would also not stand. unless it was the president. or judge judy.
jo: [stares] …..i like that.
gabe: this is accounting.
[the camera pans over to Oscar, angela, and Kevin]
jo: good looking group.
gabe: over here is Meredith palmer and creed bratton.
jo: another couple of heartbreakers.
[the camera pans over to jim]
jo: who’s this tall drink of sun tea?
gabe: that is jim Halpert. he is the co-regional manager of this office.
jo: [confused] I thought this guy [gestures to Michael] was the manager.
gabe: oh yes, he’s the co-manager. he’s the other co-manager.
jo: two guys doing one job? [chuckles] we gotta do something about that.
[both Michael and jim give the camera uncomfortable, nervous looks]
[Michael, jim, and jo (and her dogs) are seated at the conference room table.
Michael: jo, I don’t know how it works in florida, which, from your description, sounds like a colorful lawless swamp...
[jo stares angrily, and jim looks uncomfortable]
Michael: …but here, it takes two men to do one job, where in florida, it might take one very strong woman to do the job…
jim: whoa… whoa…
jim: I’ll take over. um, what we’re doing here: Michael handles the big picture stuff, and I handle more of the day-to-day stuff. so, together--
jo: yeah… I think I understand.
jo: each of you is doing half a job.
Michael: sometimes I can hardly handle that.
[jim looks down, obviously thinking “oh crap… here we go.”]
jo: now, this is knucklehead talk. I’m not gonna abide it. you can’t give me gravy and tell me it’s jelly, ‘cause gravy ain’t sweet. is it jim?”
jim: [whispers] I don’t think so…
Michael: I forget the question.
jo: I think one of you should return to sales, and the other one be a manager.
Michael: I humbly accept a management position.
jim: why would you just automatically get it?
Michael: because… well, jim, [with a sudden southern accent] where I’m from, there’s two types of folk: those who ain’t, and those who are knee-high on a grasshopper. which type ain’t you ain’t?
[jim gives the camera his signature “I’m annoyed” look]
Michael: y’all come back now.
jim: do you even know what that means?
jo: well I’m gonna let this marinate, so you can go.
jo: you can go on.
[andy and erin are walking towards each other]
andy: whoa! traffic jam! [they both stop]
erin: uh-oh, traffic jam on route 3!
[pam smiles to herself]
andy: beep beep!
erin: beep beep!
andy: *siren sounds*
erin: 20 people dead! in a pile-up!
andy: there’s blood everywhere!
[pam gives the camera a look that says “um… this is weird” as erin giggles and goes to her desk]
andy: um, I got you a valentine’s card
erin: you did?
[erin opens the card]
erin: aww, a bird and a dog!
andy: yeah, well, it’s snoopy and Woodstock.
erin: you named them?
andy: uh, Charles Schultz did…
[erin looks confused]
andy: I thought it was relevant ‘cause I got you all those birds for Christmas, remember?
erin: oh yeah, I do remember. [looks at the card] aw, they love each other.
andy: look at that, they sure do. [andy gives the camera a look that says “oh yeah. I got
game.”] I hadn’t noticed.
erin: it smells really good, too.
andy: yeah, it’s roger feder for men. I sprayed some in there.
erin: [impressed] andy, whoa! thank you very much!
andy: it’s got pheromones in it…