"manager and salesman" summary
vampire jim
flonkert0nchamp
[jo bennett enters the office, with her two great danes (which surprises and shocks everyone) everyone comes over to greet her]

gabe: this is Michael scott, co-regional manager of this branch.

Michael: pleasure to meet you, ms. bennett.

jo: oh, that’s “mrs. Bennett” sweetheart. my husband and I are divorced, but I kept the “mrs.”… just to piss off the new wife! [everyone chuckles] well, let’s take a gander around the place.

[the camera pans over to andy, where the dogs are all up in his crotch]

andy: [with an awkward laugh] they sure are pretty dogs.

jo: they love a good crotch.

andy: they sure do.

jo: you should take that as a compliment.

andy: oh, I do! [he and erin exchange huge grins while the dogs continue to be in that “area”]

jo: [noticing that Dwight is still seated] hello.

Dwight: hello.

jo: do you always stay seated when a lady enters the room?

Dwight: I am treating you the same as a man, for whom I would also not stand. unless it was the president. or judge judy.

jo: [stares] …..i like that.

gabe: this is accounting.

[the camera pans over to Oscar, angela, and Kevin]

Kevin: hi.

jo: good looking group.

gabe: over here is Meredith palmer and creed bratton.

jo: another couple of heartbreakers.

[the camera pans over to jim]

jo: who’s this tall drink of sun tea?

gabe: that is jim Halpert. he is the co-regional manager of this office.

jo: [confused] I thought this guy [gestures to Michael] was the manager.

gabe: oh yes, he’s the co-manager. he’s the other co-manager.

jo: two guys doing one job? [chuckles] we gotta do something about that.
[both Michael and jim give the camera uncomfortable, nervous looks]


scene 2:
[Michael, jim, and jo (and her dogs) are seated at the conference room table.

Michael: jo, I don’t know how it works in florida, which, from your description, sounds like a colorful lawless swamp...

[jo stares angrily, and jim looks uncomfortable]

Michael: …but here, it takes two men to do one job, where in florida, it might take one very strong woman to do the job…

jim: whoa… whoa…

Michael: whoa…

jim: I’ll take over. um, what we’re doing here: Michael handles the big picture stuff, and I handle more of the day-to-day stuff. so, together--

jo: yeah… I think I understand.

jim: alright.

jo: each of you is doing half a job.

jim: no…

Michael: sometimes I can hardly handle that.

[jim looks down, obviously thinking “oh crap… here we go.”]

jo: now, this is knucklehead talk. I’m not gonna abide it. you can’t give me gravy and tell me it’s jelly, ‘cause gravy ain’t sweet. is it jim?”

jim: [whispers] I don’t think so…

jo: Michael?

Michael: I forget the question.

jo: I think one of you should return to sales, and the other one be a manager.

jim: i…

Michael: I humbly accept a management position.

jim: why would you just automatically get it?

Michael: because… well, jim, [with a sudden southern accent] where I’m from, there’s two types of folk: those who ain’t, and those who are knee-high on a grasshopper. which type ain’t you ain’t?

[jim gives the camera his signature “I’m annoyed” look]

Michael: y’all come back now.

jim: do you even know what that means?

Michael: yes.

jo: well I’m gonna let this marinate, so you can go.

jim: um…

jo: you can go on.

jim: yep.

jo: shoo!


scene 3:

[andy and erin are walking towards each other]

andy: whoa! traffic jam! [they both stop]

erin: uh-oh, traffic jam on route 3!

[pam smiles to herself]

andy: beep beep!

erin: beep beep!

andy: *siren sounds*

erin: 20 people dead! in a pile-up!

andy: there’s blood everywhere!

[pam gives the camera a look that says “um… this is weird” as erin giggles and goes to her desk]

andy: um, I got you a valentine’s card

erin: you did?

andy: yep.

[erin opens the card]

erin: aww, a bird and a dog!

andy: yeah, well, it’s snoopy and Woodstock.

erin: you named them?

andy: uh, Charles Schultz did…

[erin looks confused]

andy: I thought it was relevant ‘cause I got you all those birds for Christmas, remember?

erin: oh yeah, I do remember. [looks at the card] aw, they love each other.

andy: look at that, they sure do. [andy gives the camera a look that says “oh yeah. I got
game.”] I hadn’t noticed.

erin: it smells really good, too.

andy: yeah, it’s roger feder for men. I sprayed some in there.

erin: [impressed] andy, whoa! thank you very much!

andy: it’s got pheromones in it…

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